TMI

1.  Eek!  I'm ovulating.  (The title of the post is ACTUALLY TMI).  According to my new book this is the month I should be ovulating and I took the advise of a very good friend and went Sunday and bought an ovulation kit.  This morning it said I was ovulating!  AH!  I'm so excited!  I'm so nervous!  I'm so ready!  I could not feel less ready!  AH!

2. Speaking of TMI:

This is an actual screen shot of my fertility chart because I did not think you would believe it if I didn't have photographic evidence.  There is an "Add to Facebook Gallery" link on here!  Are you kidding me?!?  This is a new low in this share too much age!  These are some of the things you are "tracking" on this site (WARNING:  if you are a man NOW would be a great time to stop reading this post- CLEARLY marked TMI.......No really, STOP. READING.) cycle day, luteal phase, intercourse, period and cervical fluid, fertile phase and vaginal sensation.  I don't want to share my chart with my sisters or my husband even, I'm sure not sharing it with all 1,326 of my facebook friends and, furthermore, if any of MY FB friends tried to share theirs with me they would no longer be my FB friend.  I can. not. get over the fact that this button is actually on this site.  Sheesh. 

Tracking

Ok, so since hearing about my friend from church, getting pregnant the first month I have decided to try the tracking thing.  I ordered the book, Taking Charge of Your Fertility (that title still sounds so ridiculous) and have started tracking online on the website (what else) www.tcoyf.com.  The first thing that I have figured out is that there are A LOT of terms associated with fertility that I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what they mean.  I mean, if passing a test on fertility and pregnancy vocabulary was a prerequisite for getting pregnant Matt and I would definitely be a life long childless couple.  Today I go for my annual physical with my GP and I am going to let her know what all I'm doing and ask her some questions about post-donation pregnancy.  I'm most concerned about all the vitamins I am taking and making sure they aren't over taxing my kidney.  I also am taking my Advocare to make sure that she is ok with me taking it while I am trying, and hopefully when I, get pregnant.  So, I am now officially the person who brings a folder with her to the Dr complete with vitamin labels, product labels and info and printed studies from medical journals (I'm assuming my Dr is not already an expert on post-donation anything, much less post-donation pregnancy).  Here's hoping she still wants to be my Dr after this visit.  Geez, this person I'm turning in to, I don't even like me.  Yet, I don't know how to stop it?!?!? 

This is the book I ordered today.  I'm not freaking out.  I'm really not.  However, it is well documented that I have (I believe very valid) fears about infertility.  Then this past weekend two things happened:  1) I found out that a friend from church is pregnant.  It took her ONE month of trying.  2) I figred out that I have four tiny little months to get pregnant or I will be 34 when I have our first baby!  I know, I know.  People have babies who are perfectly healthy after that, that's not too old to be a mom, etc.  To that I say, that people have unhealthy pregnancies and babies later in life too and for us, we feel like we are getting pretty close to the age to where we would be too old to have kids.  I mean, 38 doesn't necessarily sound too old to have a newborn but fifty really sounds like too old for me to have a 12 year old!  I'm only 32 now and sometimes I just barely have the energy for a four year old's sassy mouth!  (These are things that we feel are right and wrong for us, they have NOTHING to do with the decisions others make!) 

So, here goes taking my temperature every morning, tracking my ovulation (I'm not even 100% clear on what that even means) and monitoring when we have sex.  I have never had as many conflicting emotions at one time.  I didn't even think it was possible to have this many emotions going through me at one time!  How can I be SO excited yet so nervous and so scared and so sure and so very unsure?  How can you be so happy you literally want to jump for joy yet, at the very same time be almost paralyzed by fear?  Geez menetti...